MY FIRST DATE EVER. THAT WAS NICE.

Sat, 23 Feb 2008 05:15:56 GMT

WTF AM I SAYING? "NICE" IS A PANSY FUCKING ADJECTIVE AND DOESN'T COME CLOSE TO DESCRIBING HOW FUCKING CASH THIS DATE WAS.

I WAS ALMOST LATE PICKING HER UP, AND THOUGHT FOR CERTAIN I'D GET BEAT FOR IT. APPARENTLY, FREDDY-MERCURY-MUSTACHE HAD DECIDED TO HELP WITH HER HAIR AND MAKEUP (SINCE SHE CAN'T SEE TO DO IT HERSELF I GUESS).

I'LL HAND IT TO HIM, HE KNOWS HOW TO ACCENTUATE NATURAL BEAUTY. SHE LOOKED LIKE A GORGEOUS, PORCELAIN DOLL. IT WAS KIND OF FREAKY. EVEN HER SWEET LITTLE FEET WERE CLEAN.

I FIGURED THAT SHE MUST HAVE BEEN STARVING CAUSE HER WAIST LOOKED A COUPLE INCHES SMALLER THAN NORMAL, SO WE GRABBED SOME FOOD AT A STALL OR FIVE, DUCKING IN ALLEYS TO EAT AND LAUGH AT THE CONFUSED VENDORS.

TINGS WERE MILD UNTIL SHE SUDDENLY STARTED RIPPING OFF PARTS OF HER DRESS. AND BELCHING. I COULDN'T LET HER OUT TESTOSTERONE ME, SO WE FUCKING HAD A THROW DOWN FOR DESSERT.

THERE WERE THESE FRESH, STEAMING, OBVIOUSLY WORTH-A-WEEKS-WAGES MOONPEACH DUMPLINGS JUST SITTING ALL CUTE AND UNATTENDED IN A RESTAURANT'S KITCHEN. STILL UNSATISFIED, WE STRUCK A DEAL: WHOEVER SWIPES THE SWEETS FIRST WINS.

SNEAKY LITTLE BITCH WAS ALL TUNNELING, JUST LIKE A BADGERMOLE, SO I DECIDED TO SWOOP IN FROM ABOVE LIKE A WOLFBAT. I DEFINITELY HIT THE GROUND BEFORE SHE POPPED HER DIRT-COVERED HEAD OUT OF THAT TUNNEL, BUT SHE'S A SORE FUCKIN' LOSER (IT'S SO CUTE) AND WASN'T GONNA GIVE UP WITHOUT A FIGHT.

SHE GRABBED HANDFULS OF THE FOOD AND WAS TRYING TO EAT IT ALL BEFORE I COULD GET A BITE. RIGHT. MY MOUTH IS FUCKING HUGE. I STARTED SHOVING DUMPLINGS BETWEEN MY TUSKS AS FAST AS I COULD, AND SUDDENLY, SHE WAS ON ME, TRYING TO TAKE ME DOWN WITH BRUTE FORCE (IT WOULD HAVE HELPED IF SHE WERE TALL ENOUGH TO GRAB ME AND KEEP HER FEET ON THE FLOOR).

WE DESTROYED THE WHOLE KITCHEN AND EVERY RARE DELICATE BIT OF HAUTE CUISINE IN IT, GOT MESSY AS HELL. SHE HAD THESE LITTLE FLECKS OF APRICOT MARSHMALLOW FLUFF ON HER NOSE, AND I JUST COULDN'T HELP IT. I TICKLED THE HELL OUT OF HER (ESPECIALLY THOSE SWEET LITTLE FEET), AND SHE GIGGLED SO LOUD THAT THE OWNER FINALLY HEARD US. WE BOOKED IT BEFORE THE DAI LI CAME, MEETING UP IN AN ALLEY.

WE WERE SO WORKED UP FROM ALL THE ~~SEXY~~ FIGHTING AND ~~SEXY~~ TICKLING THAT WE WEREN'T READY TO SAY GOODNIGHT. SHE HEARD SOME DRUMMING AND WE WENT FOR IT. SINCE NEITHER OF US REALLY KNOW HOW OR LIKE TO DANCE, WE JUST FUCKING CRASHED THE HELL OUT OF THIS BIG DANCEY FESTIVAL THING, STEALING MORE SHIT AT SWORDPOINT. COCKTAIL SHRIMP TASTE SO MUCH BETTER WITH A LITTLE ARMED ROBBERY.
(I MADE OFF WITH WHAT LOOKS LIKE AN EXPENSIVE GUITAR, CHONG, YOU WANT?)

WE GOT PRETTY STANK THOUGH, WITH ALL THE TUNNELING AND ROOF JUMPING AND FOOD FIGHTING ~~AND FUNLESTATION~~. SO TO GET BACK AT THAT FAGSTACHE FOR WASHIN' HER FEET, WE BROKE IN AND STOLE THE REST OF HARU'S SEXYFINE SHAMPOO, MAKING A HUGE MESS IN HIS PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS BATHROOM WHILE WE CLEANED UP TOGETHER (I THINK THERE'S SOME SHRIMP STILL ON THE CHANDELIER).

ALL IN ALL, I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I'VE BEEN MISSING OUT ON. KIDNAPPING HAS HELLA APPEAL ~~ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO A BITCH TALKING AT YOU ALL NIGHT~~, BUT DATING IS THE SHIT. NOW I JUST GOTTA PLAY IT COOL AND WAIT TO CALL SWEETFEET UP FOR A ~~REMATCH~~ SECOND DATE.

PEACE OUT.

- BLUE

...YOU JUST CAN'T LEAVE ME ALONE, CAN YOU, WENCH.

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 08:01:44 GMT

What The Hell Happened Last Night?
LJ Username
What did you drink?
You wake up in the morning next to:	srslynotkatara
...who is wearing:	clingfilm
...and rolls over to you to say:	Wanna do that thing with the broccolli again?
...and then:	hugs you for ever and ever until you die

This quiz by joneccleston - Taken 1007 Times. </a>

WHY ARE WE FIGHTING TO LIVE

MY FIRST DATE EVER. THAT WAS NICE.

...YOU JUST CAN'T LEAVE ME ALONE, CAN YOU, WENCH.